We’ve been at a retreat that opened a whole bunch of stuff we never knew! Its been 21 years and I had no idea that the 3 most vital needs for her was Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness!
The more I dwelt on this, the more I was made aware that the greatest barriers I was experiencing was because I was not making an effort to understand her needs! As all marriages, we have unresolved conflicts and we take each other for granted! Honestly I get busy with my work and when I am home, I probably prefer watching TV or be on my cell phone. Past experiences sure brings about a conflict and we end up being so bitter!
The more I think of it the more I am made aware that the reason I have barriers, its because I have not been willing to understand what her needs are! And so I am making this tremendous effort to mend the Gap, why because I know and have experienced that ignoring the barrier widens the gap between us!
We are learning (after 21 years!) to Show Genuine Concern, Build Our Relationship, Demonstrate willingness to always Forgive and ask for Forgiveness and to be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak and most importantly, Slow to Anger!
I am making a sincere effort to take some Action steps now, I can try, I know that if I work at it, it will work! I have never done this before but its better late (after 21 years) than never!
Hard Action Step #1 – I am trying to be loving when I speak. Those who know us know that I jump, I react, I am not calm, I am impatient and the list is endless. But I am conscious that I have to take this hard action.
Hard Action Step #2 – Speak the truth always and be honest. I do not need to elaborate, I have failed in this area but I have to make a very hard action step for the future.
Hard Action Step #3 – No unwholesome words – words and language that I know put down and destroys the spirit of my spouse, I am ‘holding brakes’ now, tough…tough….very tough.
Hard Action Step #4 – Go on a ‘date’ every week!! Never done this for the past 21 years!! Yes, its true and we have begun!